He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
