Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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