I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
