I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
