worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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