ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
