I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
