What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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