3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
