The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
