I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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