If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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