we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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