Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
