I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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