don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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