hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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