this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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