Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
