finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
