Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
