I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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