Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
