Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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