I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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