dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
