drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
