I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
