dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
