Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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