My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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