Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out