I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.