can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain