i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.