oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.