I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.