I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
