Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
