i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
