we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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