No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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