forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
