we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He did a backflip because drugs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
