You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
