His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
