Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
