i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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