I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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