He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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