i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
