I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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