We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
