Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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