smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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