in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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