I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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