your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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