The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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