Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize