Buhtt sex?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're a waste of cheezeits
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
