New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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