Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I smell stomach acid.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
