I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
