i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
