I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
