I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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