Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
