break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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