apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
