I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
