Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
