she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
