after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
