return my video game
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
