If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
