I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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