found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
