just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
