You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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