i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
